IELTS Writing part 2 analysis
Rewrite – 40 minutes (part 2)
Some people think that competition at work, at school and in daily life is a good thing. Others believe that we should try to cooperate more, rather than compete against each other.
Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant example from own experiences.
The Paraphrase
The first sentence is our paraphrase. It paraphrases the original statement.
In today’s hectic world, one group of people says competition facilitates better productivity, while the other group stands with cooperation.
Thesis
Next is our thesis, which is what we want we want to answer (argue for).
Make sure the prompt is appropriately addressed. A clear and fully developed position is presented which directly answers the question. (TR)
This essay will discuss the pros and cons of each, and argue that a healthy dose of both is needed to create a constructive environment.
Pay attention to cohesion here. Notice that in our writing question, it says
competition at work, at school and in daily life is a good thing
This is why in our thesis, we assigned constructive environment as the “good thing”.
Talk about Side A
We choose to talk about the pros of Side A (competition) because of cohesion. Notice in the assignment, it says:
Some people think that competition at work, at school and in daily life is a good thing.
1) So we need to support and talk about how competition is a good thing.
2) The first sentence of a body paragraph is always the mini-thesis, so we need to match this up with our main thesis.
Therefore, we choose our mini-thesis like so:
Competition challenges its participants to be their best and pushes their limits
By definition, challenging its participants to do their best and pushing them to the limit is an environment that is constructive. This satisfies our thesis. Because constructive means “having beneficial or useful purpose”. Thus, making someone do their best is beneficial to that individual.
Competition challenges its participants to be their best and pushes their limits. Individuals who are in a competitive environment experience hard work, self discovery, and are at the forefront of their respective expertise.
The rest of the paragraph must support this mini-thesis with examples. Again, make sure we’re cohesive (CC) and we explore it in depth (TR).So the examples we make should be in business, academics, and daily life just like the assignment prompt says.
For example, employees in large companies work fast, concentrate hard, and often reap the rewards. In an academic setting, competition pushes students to work harder, to get better grades, and in the process, to become better employees. In our daily lives, competitive sports have given participants an outlet to achieve their physical best.
Close it/rephrase mini-thesis:
Thus, competition is the ingredient that pushes us forward in every facet of life.
Talk about side B
Now, we need a mini-thesis that satisfies the other side (cooperation), and again, pay attention to cohesion with the assignment:
Others believe that we should try to cooperate more, rather than compete against each other.
So, our mini-thesis is:
On the other end of the spectrum, the opposing group says cooperation not only produce the better results, but is a necessity.
Again, just like competition, we make examples according to the assignment.
company:
Great software with a tight deadline requires a team: the manager manages time, the coders crank out code, and the testers assures quality. Even in startups, successful teams are assembled with exceptional people.
school:
As opposed to a homeschooled child with no social skills, pertinent life skills can only be learned in a group setting offered by public schools, which is imperative for a child’s growth.
daily lives:
In our daily lives, one cannot ascend a mountain alone, as it is always safer in a group.
rephrase to close it:
Therefore, cooperation is essential to success.
Your opinion
mini thesis for our opinion
Personally, I feel that a mixture of both competition and cooperation produces the most constructive environment.
Examples should depict how one side is too much and by adding a little bit of the other, creates a perfect balance.
Specifically, too much cooperative work may be counterproductive. This is particular true for those students who take group achievements as their own. It creates the illusion of personal capability, feeds their ego, and impedes their individual progress. In these scenarios, incorporating moderate competition can be a counterbalance, pushing students to pursue personal growth while working in group settings.
Notice how we created an example with students in an academic environment. The cohesion is strong here.
Additionally, employees in the corporate world with their heavy workloads are often marred by physical ailments. The workloads often culminate to burnout, which affects employees’ health, and in turn, their life satisfaction. If we throw in more cooperation, employees would offload what they can’t finish, and this directly means more time at home, happier employees, and better life satisfaction.
Again, our example is in the workplace, tying in with the original statement of:
workplace, school, and personal life.
Conclusion
rephrase the assignment: competition and cooperation are opposing doctrines
rephrase your argument: but from my personal experience, a little bit of both works best
Then wrap it up
In short, competition and cooperation are opposing doctrines, but from my personal experience, a little bit of both works best. Competitive entities will find solace and balance with cooperation. And cooperative groups will gain competitiveness by welcoming competition. This balance is something that our workplaces, schools, and personal lives can all benefit from.