字颜色的意思：
学生写的
我的解释
我的意见你应该怎么写
论文写作和风格意见
这是一篇对比作文。我看到有引言、相同点、不同点和结论。
首先让我眼前一亮的是，这篇文章没有一个强有力的论点。
论文
论文要求:
- 决定性语言
- 具体细节
- 子课题
我从议论文中读出了这些句子：
他们都是父母 他们都为获得公平而努力。他们都支持自己的孩子。
果断的语言还可以，但具体的细节和副标题完全没有。
我不知道是哪本书，但你可以这样说：
Sylvia’s grandfather and Mr Mendez showed their paternal love through education, fairness, and hard work.
钩子
钩子需要吸引读者的注意力。这个钩子比较弱。我们可以使用这样的钩子
The two men face each other like wild beasts.
当你写出像上面这样的句子时，会让读者想知道冲突是什么。它能吸引人们的注意力。
现在你要做的就是在我们的钩子和论题之间写一个连接段。
让我们继续我们的工作，并修改语法：
Two people stand in two direction.
如果两个人站这互相对面的话，最好用 opposite。
然后如果用 opposite，呢就是两个 direction。。我们用复数 direction(s)
Two people stand in opposite directions
如果学生想表达两个人站在不一样的角度，可以说：
Grandpa and Mr Mendez stand diametrically opposed when it comes to education and human rights。
我没有读过这本书所以内容我不清楚。在这方面我只能判断到这里。
语法意见 第二段
There are many similarities between Grandpa and Mr.Mendez.
When it comes to education and human rights, Grandpa and Mr Mendez share similarities.
First,they are all parents.
First and foremost, they are fathers.
They care about their children’s education.
For example,“your children have to go to a Mexican school,said Mr. Harris.But why?”This shows that Mr.Mendez really cares for his children (p.12)”
Mr Mendez shows his dedication to his children when Mr Harris wants him to send his children to a Mexican school, instead of a better all white school. “Your children have to go a Mexican school, said Mr Harris.” “But why?” rebuts Mr Mendez.
“what does a scholarship jacket mean” This proves that Grandpa wants to help Martha as well.
辅助句不充分。作者需要更多地描述或解释当时的情况。不是讲述，而是要说明人物围绕这件奖学金外套的互动是如何证明爷爷想要帮助玛莎的。
They all care about fairness the others treated Mexican Americans.
句子运行问题。我建议
They care about fairness and how Mexican Americans are treated.
As evidence,”Then if you pay for it, Martha, it’s not a scholarship jacket, is it?”
As 用错了。这是应为学神先用中文去想一个句子，然后就翻译到英文。100%不要这样。你可以先先内容。可是写内容的时候，英文管英文，中文管中文。
请看一下As 英文怎么用的：
As (preposition) – the role of
ex: My daughter dressed up [as a monster]. Baking soda can be used [as a detergent]. I work for Penguin Education [as an English Teacher].
As (Adverb)
I am not (as) fast as you.
This burger is not (as) good.
Come here (as) soon as possible.
This pie is not [as good] [as my mother’s].
clause + as + clause
ex:
It started to snow [as] we slept.
as + clause, clause
ex:
[As] we slept, it started to snow.
我建议你可以这样写：
They both showed their staunch belief in fairness when Grandpa explained to Martha that using money to buy a prize is not fair. He wanted Martha to achieve through effort and fairness. We can see this clearly when he said ”Then if you pay for it, Martha, it’s not a scholarship jacket, is it?”
This shows that Grandpa wants Martha to have fairness when there is something she is worried about.
太宽泛。要更具体。我们需要更多细节。展示，而不是讲述。
The next quote proves this as well”over the next few months
还是太宽泛了。你需要解释这句话是如何证明的。
Mr. Mendez and Mr.Marcus traveled all over orange country
“This proves that Mr.Mendez want fairness when it’s about
his children’s education.“
引文的佐证细节非常薄弱。