Part 2 Writing Tips

40 minutes

More and more people people are shifting to a plant-based diet.

Why is this case?

Do you think is a positive or negative development?

Make sure you answer the prompt and address it!

Must address both questions

If given a present continuous verb in the statement..

Laser pinpoint the question.

For example, the question is not asking why people do not eat meat.

The question is asking why people “MOVE” from meat to plant based diet.
Another point is “Why now”?

Intro

Paraphrase the topic: More and more people people are shifting to a plant-based diet:

“Many cultures have followed a meat-based diet, but an increasing number of people are now replacing meat products in their diet with plant based foods.”

What will it do?

“This essay will examine the key drivers of this trend and argue that is it mostly a positive development.”

So we will examine the key drivers (why is this case?) in the body paragraphs.

Notice how it answers the question Do you think is a positive or negative development?

Task Response

A clear position is presented which directly answers the questions. The thesis statement must show that the candidate is going to answer BOTH questions and that they have a clear position.

Body Paragraph 1

Make sure your body paragraphs are:

• Ideas are relevant
• Fully extended
• Well Supported

Mini-thesis answers the first question (We need to answer “Why is this the case?”):

The most common reasons for becoming a vegan seem to be based on ethical or environmental concerns.

and provides two clear reasons:

reason 1 – ethical/environment concerns
extension – practices involved in large-scale meat and dairy farming.
examples – inhumane conditions in which some animals are raised and killed.

reason 2 – livestock farming’s contribution to deforestation.
extension – compared to that of growing plant crops
examples – deforestation

Explains “why” the trend is happening NOW.
–> “By using in recent years”, and giving reasons that is related to today.

It answer all questions of “why”?

Use a range of grammatical structure

Body 2

Mini-thesis answers second question.

Positive and negative consequences.

Task Response – The prompt is addressed and explored in depth.
The candidate acknowledges that some aspects of more people adopting a plant-based diet may
not be as positive as others.

This shows a greater depth of exploration of the topic than stating it is wholly positive or negative.

Cohesion attracts lots of attention

Subordinate conjunctions

Firstly, for example, therefore, Secondly, as a result, however, thus.

Conclusion

• Task 2
• ~ 250 words

Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

– entertainment
– no parental guidance

thesis – Children spend too much time on their smartphones because it gives them cheap entertainment, and as a result leads to damages their eyes, stunts their growth, and takes precious time away from human interaction.

Intro

Since the early 2000s, smartphones have taken over the world. From students to professionals, smartphones have become everyone’s preferred tool of communication. Unfortunately, its long cables of influence have taken its toll on our most vunerable demographic: children. Children spend too much time on their smartphones because it offers them cheap entertainment admist non existant parents. This is a terrible phenomenon because it damages their eye sight, stunts their growth, and takes precious time away from human interaction.

Body 1

mini-thesis 1 – It is no secret that electronic screens can damage the human eye, especially children’s.

It is no secret that it takes both parents to make a livable salary now. As a result, the term latchkey kids is used to describe children who take the house keys to school so they can let themselves in when they return home. Both parents are working so the children must raise themselves.

As young children, they have no discipline, nor control over their impulses. Various games and cartoons are easily accessible from mobile phones. These latchkey kids would naturally glue their faces to smartphones. Electronic screens can damage the human eye, especially children’s. The white blare of the screen radiates against their tender eyes. Its white heat burns their retina, and after a while, their faces would scrunch together in order to lubricate their damaged eyelids. This is why optometrists would always encourage their young patients to put some distance between themselves and the screen, take more breaks, and always go outside to recalibrate their vision with the real world.

Body 2

mini-thesis 2 – Prolonged time in front of the screen ruins a child’s feeding and sleeping time.

Online games and cartoons are addictive and children often ignore their physical needs in order to keep watching. Growing Children need to eat on schedule and addictive entertainment can lead them astray. Instead of eating three to four meals a day, they would often eat too late or even skip meals in order to stay online. This is detrimental to their nutritional needs and therefore, their health. Even worse, children will play on smartphones late into the night. This is one of the worse problems to a child’s growth because it ruins their Circadian Rhythms.

Body 3

mini-thesis 3 – smartphones will steal the child’s life away.

Last but not least, smartphones will steal the child’s life away. With its addictive chat apps, games, and cartoons, technology today easily wipes away the child’s precious moments with the real world. A child needs positive human interaction to strive and learn. But if these important interactions are not given, the smartphone will create artificial memories with the child, rather than meaningful memories with humans. This will damage the child’s psyche after they mature and will create bad habits later on.

Conclusion

Smartphones and technology have been a detriment to our future generation. Smartphones damages their eyes, creates unhealthy living habits, and removes our children from the natural world. If this is a precursor to how our future generation will be raised, then we are in a world of trouble for what’s to come. Because happy adults who contribute to society are raised with lots of communication with their peers, family, and the natural world. And those who are raised without it, fare much worse.

• It may be possible that the farm’s produce will account for as much as 10% = In the urban environment you’re working with very significant practical constraints, clearly, on what you can do and where. But if enough unused space can be developed like this, there’s no reason why….

  account for as much as 10% of = there’s no reason why you shouldn’t eventually target maybe between 5% and 10% of consumption.

  city’s = In the urban environment

• When the remaining two thirds of the vast open area are in production, 20 staff will harvest up to 1000 kg of fruits, everyday.

  There will eventually be a daily harvest = When the remaining two thirds of the vast open area are in production
  of as much as 1000 kg in weight of fruit and vegetables = 20 staff will harvest up to 1000 kg of fruits.

• From identical vertical tubes nearby burst row upon row of lettuces; near those are aromatic herbs, such as basil, sage and peppermint.

  Vertical tubes = From identical vertical tubes
  are used to grow lettuce = burst row upon row of lettuces
  and herbs = near those are aromatic herbs, such as basil, sage and peppermint.

• An unmodified Doble Model E runs clean enough to pass the emissions laws in California today, and they are pretty strict.

  1) emissions laws
  2) strict emissions laws

• As the new Doble steamer was further developed and tested, its maximum speed was pushed to over a hundred miles per hour, and it achieved about fifteen miles per gallon of kerosene with negligible emissions.

  1) A later version of the Model E = As the new Doble steamer was further developed and tested
  2) raised its speed = its maximum speed was pushed to over a hundred mph
  3) keeping its emissions extremely low = it achieved about 14 miles/gallon with negligible emissions

Mock Test by Jet and Nick

Part 1

* to fix: Talk more about yourself in part 1

Where do you live?

How long have you lived there?

Which part of America?

Ohhh, interesting.

Has much has your hometown changed since you’ve been there?

Where do you plan to live in the future?

Is your city friendly for children and elders (elderly people)?

Do you often see your neighbors?

One neighbor?

Are they friendly people?

Have you ever learned to play a musical instrument

What instrument do you enjoy listening to the most?

Do you think children should learn to play an instrument?

How important is music as an actual subject?

Part 2

what films do you feel strongly about?

How often do you go to the cinema?

Do you think going to the movies is better with a friend?

Is going to the cinema still popular?

The popularity of going to the cinema has decreased compared to twenty years ago, primarily due to advancements in technology. Nowadays, individuals have the convenience of watching their favorite movies in the comfort of their own homes.

Streaming applications discreetly gather user preferences to tailor future content recommendations. Consequently, video content is now more aligned with the preferences of the viewers.

On the contrary, the film industry predominantely releases movies, but has no way to push these movies towards targeted audiences. This results in a mix of successful and unsuccessful productions. The cinema’s only advantage is that it has control over when its movies can be distributed to streaming services. A newly released movie is only available in theaters until its revenue stream from theatrical screenings has concluded.

What do you see in the future of cinema

The future of cinema depends on blockbusters because today’s society relies on streaming apps to watch their favorite movies. To ensure a steady flow of revenue, the movie industry must implement effective promotions for the latest movies. Eye-catching advertisements and gripping trailers generate excitement, anticipation, and a reluctance to wait for the film to be available on a streaming app.

How would you define a blockster?

A blockbuster is characterized by three factors: a substantial budget, a cast of renowned actors, or being an adaptation of a popular book.

Money enhances the superficial glamour of the movies by facilitating the creation of promotional materials like billboards and trailers, which serve to generate interest among the general public.

Audiences tend to gravitate towards their preferred actors and actresses. Analogous to guiding sheep across a meadow, movie stars attract a significant number of followers and supporters to the films in which they appear. This phenomenon entices viewers who may not have otherwise chosen to watch the movie.

Well-written novels and books are often utilized as inherent material for potential blockbuster films. This stems from the pre-existing loyal readership of the book. Leveraging this dedicated fan base for a cinematic adaptation typically leads to a successful blockbuster movie.

Do you think people can learn cultures through movies?

It is not reasonable to learn about other cultures by watching movies because movies do not reflect reality. The portrayal of a film is influenced by its commercial interests.

For instance, in The Last of the Samurai, the film effectively depicts The Edo Period during Feudal Japan. The purpose of the movie was to take the audience on an adventure, and it succeeds. The filmmakers aimed to provide their Western audiences with a sense of awe in order to immerse them in the experience of living during that time period. It portrayed the the Japanese People in an objective and realistic manner. This objective depiction is something the audience can appreciate.

On the other hand, there are numerous comedies and chick flicks that aim to attract audiences by exploiting other cultures. These movies often feature outlandish plots and rely on crude humor. They frequently depict other cultures in a negative manner through unfair caricatures. As a consequence, this practice has been harmful on the people belonging to the culture being misrepresented.

Until death do us part

Qu Yuan (Qu1 Yuan3) (Ancient state of Chu)

He was the number one advisor of the Kingdom of Chu.

He dedicated his whole life to assisting the king to build the State of Chu stronger.

dedicate (verb) – devote time or effort to a particular task or purpose.
dedication (noun) – the quality of being dedicated or committed to a task or purpose.

(one of the seven warring states: Qi, Chu, Yan, Han, Zhao, Wei, and Qin)

He advised the King to ally with the State of Qi to fight against the most powerful State of Qin. However, he was slandered by jealous officials and accused of treason, and the King dismissed and exiled him.

slander [诋毁 di2 hui3] (v) – make false and damaging statements about (someone)

The king decided to ally with the increasingly powerful state of Qin, Qu was banished for opposing the alliance and even accused of treason

During his exile, Qu Yuan wrote a great deal of enduring poems showing his love and passion for his country, some of which are still very famous in China.

In 278 BC, the Qin State conquered the capital of Chu. On hearing of the defeat, on the 5th day of the 5th lunar month, Qu Yuan in great despair committed suicide by drowning himself in the Miluo River (a branch of Yangtze River) as a gesture of dying along with his motherland.

The rest is legend… When they heard of Qu Yuan’s death, the local people were very sad, and rowed out on the river to search for his body, but were unable to find him. To preserve his body, the locals paddled their boats up and down the river, hitting the water with their paddles and beating drums to scare evil spirits away. They threw lumps of rice into the river to feed the fish, so that they would not eat Qu Yuan’s body.

The sentence itself is a subordinate clauses (also known as dependent clause).

Until – subordinate conjunction
+
death (subject) do (transitive verb) us (direct object) part (noun, object complement)

The phrase itself means lifelong commitment or dedication.

It is used usually between romantic partners in the Middle Ages. Christians believe that marriage is considered the ideal purpose of God, and that at the heart of God’s design for marriage is companionship and intimacy.

commit (verb) – pledge or bind (a person or an organization) to a certain course/situation.
commitment (noun) – to commit

Difference between commit and dedicate?

Being dedicated to something implies a certain level of passion and enthusiasm (热情 re qing), while being committed implies a sense of duty (责任感） and responsibility.

stoic (adj) 坚忍的 jian ren de – not showing or not feeling any emotion

But why? Fruit of our loins; Offspring

matrimony (婚姻 hun ying) – the state or ceremony of being married; marriage
holy – divine 神圣的 (shen sheng de)

Holy Matrimony (神圣的婚姻) – marriage blessed by divine being.

In the old Christian times when “until death do us part” is used, divorce isn’t approved or recognized.

Death is the only option for getting out of the marital contract.

But not everyone takes it literally.

Most people like the passionate, romantic feeling it promotes because it shows their undying love for their partner.

Marriage was binding women to men, and guaranteeing that his children were his biological heirs.

If wives fail to produce offsprings, the husband would give the wife back and marry someone else.

Business – produce heirs to pass down property and money

People create stronger families and ties by marriage. It has never been about love.

Stronger families protect resources, money, and create power.

Normally, a lot of people want to pass down their hard work and accomplishments. They do this by passing their money, property, and land onto their offspring.

As role models for successful child-raising

The couple is the pillar of a family.

pillar (n) – a tall vertical structure of stone, wood, or metal, used as a support for a building, or as an ornament or monument.

They split tasks – wife keeps home, husband works to own home.

They are the temple in which their offspring can safely grow and flourish.

For most inmates and criminals, there is a direct correlation between child neglect/abuse and crime.

“Get better grades” do not work

When a couple stays together, work through their problems, and positively interact with their kids, it has been shown that the kids become exponentially better. They learn from role models much much better than said parent telling them over and over to “get better grades”.

Hold death close, for it tells us what’s important and what’s not

Let’s say you die in three days? What will you do in those three days?

If you were to die, who would you say goodbye to? Who would you thank? Who would you see?

Waking up tomorrow – The million dollar question

1) If I gave you a million dollars how would you feel? How would you feel this week? this month? this year?

2) If i gave the million dollars but you can’t wake up tomorrow?

People will say no way!! –> We value our life more than the million dollars

3) Therefore, if we value our life more than the money, and we’re so hyped up about the money, then why aren’t we hyped up when we wake up everyday?

Families are the basic building blocks of a country

ref – https://www.grammar-monster.com/glossary/misplaced_modifier.htm

A misplaced modifier is a word (or group of words) that does not link clearly to what it is intended to modify. A misplaced modifier makes the meaning of a sentence ambiguous or wrong.

Misplaced Modifier (default)

Coax the monkey with a banana.

Are we trying to coax the money holding the banana?
Or are we trying to coax the money by using a banana?

Correction: Let’s use a banana to coax the monkey.

We will not sell paraffin to anyone in glass bottles. (X)

(Often, common sense tells us what the writer meant. Clearly, this is about paraffin in glass bottles not people in glass bottles. However, placing your modifier too far away from the thing being modified will do little to showcase your writing skills.)

Correction: We will not sell paraffin in glass bottles to anyone.

Andrew said after the holiday he intends to stop drinking. (X)

(Here, it is unclear whether Andrew made this statement after the holiday or whether he intends to stop drinking after the holiday.)

Correction: After the holiday, Andrew said that he intends to stop drinking. √
Or
Andrew claims that he will stop smoking after the holidays.

Meticulous and punctual, her work ethic is admirable. (X)
(Here, the modifier does not apply to anything in the sentence.)

Talking quickly annoys people. (X)

Does talking annoy people?
Or fast talking annoy people?

Let’s go with fast talking annoys people:

Talking quickly is a sure way to annoy people. √

Squinting Modifiers

Dangling Modifiers

How to write a simile

Her eyes are like stars.
When I look at her, they glisten and shine.
I could see my reflection in them, and read her mind.

You wrote the simile, then described it with two adjectives.
In order to satisfy the rthym scheme of the poem, just substitute for another word.

Her eyes are like stars. (A)
They glisten and shine. (B)
I am so glad she is mine. (B)

这个就是用了 simile 去满足 ABB 韵律 的 诗 √

Sample poem with 2 similes

If your teacher wants you to:

Write 3 stanzas of 3 lines poem with two similes:

ABB CDD EFF

Her eyes are like stars. (A) simile
They glisten and shine. (B)
I am so glad she is mine. (B)

Our love is sweet as sugar. (C) simile
My parents think its funny. (D)
She will always be my honey. (D)

Say what you will. (E)
But I’m forced to say she completes my life. (F)
For she’s standing besides me holding a knife. (F)

Sample poem with 2 metaphors and 1 simile

How to write a metaphor

Example:

Write a poem with ABAB CDCD with 2 metaphors and simile

simile
metaphor

The sun is a toddler that refuses to sleep. A
It likes to crawl from east to west. B
And floats in the sky like a lost sheep. A
To life on earth, it is the best. B

It is an oven that generates heat. C
That keeps everyone fed and warm. D
It grows food for animals to eat. C
And generates life during its biggest form. D

How to write a alliteration

Alliteration is the repetition of the same initial consonant sound in successive words.

Alliteration is used for emphasis or to make a sentence more pleasing to the ear. It is used in everyday language, poetry, literature, and business writing.

The plate was filled with beautiful buns bursting with berries.

He’s going to gut the golden goose.

It can also be just two words:

Nothing says home like the smell of the sea.
Finishing first requires just three things: practice, practice, and practice.

Let’s add it back to our original poem example:

Her eyes are like stars. (A) simile
They glisten and shine. (B)
I am so glad she is mine. (B)

Our love is sweet as sugar. (C) simile

My [f]unky [f]riends [f]eel it’s [f]erociously [f]unny. (D) <-- + alliteration

That she will always be my honey. (D)

Say what you will. (E)

But I’m forced to [s]ay [s]he [s]aved my [s]landering life. (F) <-- + alliteration

For she’s standing besides me holding a big sharp knife. (F)

Personification

Inanimate objects are given human characteristics.

The leaves danced their way through the lawn.

The sun smiled over the meadow.

The table stood firmly against the wind.

The moon watched over the pack of wolves.

personification

The wind carried her whispers into my ears. A
The words landed softly and calmed my fears. A
A smile spread across my face. B
As I sat in front of the fireplace. B

Hyperbole

An exaggerated statement. It overstates a situation for emotional effect.

• She wept an ocean of tears.
• I died laughing.
• I tried a million times.
• Her smile was a mile wide.
• I’m so hungry I could eat a cow.

Let’s make a 4 line stanza with ABBA rhyme scheme:

Her eyes are the prize. (A)
They glisten and shine. (B)
I danced to a thousand tunes because she is mine. (B)
Our love fills the empty vast skies. (A)

Main Event:

The challenge of using newer technology has led to a loss in human interaction, and this has made future learning dull, insipid, and unsuccessful.

Indirect Characterization 1:

The mechanical teacher had been giving her test after test in geography, and she had been doing worse and worse until her mother had shaken her head sorrowfully and sent for the county inspector.

The author indirectly describes how bad Margie is doing in her geography.
Margie’s frustration in learning was quite pronounced, but the robotic teacher could not visually judge Margie’s predicament, thus produces test after test like a printer. A human teacher, on the other hand, can easily identify troubled students based on their demeanor, and act accordingly.

Student behavior can often give cues on how they handle the course material. Those who cannot finish exercises and struggle with the concepts will reveal more frustrated facial expressions. These hallmark human feedback can be easily picked up by human teachers. However, that is simply not the case with robotic teachers that Margie has to deal with.

Indirect Characterization 2:

I think the geography sector was geared a little too quick. Those things happen sometimes. I’ve slowed it up to an average ten-year level.

This indirect characterization describes how the mechanical teacher fails to teach Margie what she really needs for her age. But in order to make Margie happy and dumb down her education, the inspector has to gear the difficulty level back for ten year olds. This strongly shows how robots are not as intuitive and effective as human teachers.

Indirect Characterization 3:

Margie did so with a sigh. She was thinking about the old schools they had when her grandfather’s grandfather was a little boy. They learned the same things so they could help one another on the homework and talk about it.

The author indirectly characterizes Margie’s feelings about her grandfather’s past. How the children worked together in teams and had human interactions. Since the class material was all the same, they collaborate to finish their school tasks. But most improtantly, there are human elements of social interaction. Not only did they solve their homework, but they learned, and had fun doing it.

What is the theme for “The fun they had” (RACE method)

Read, Answer, Cite, and Explain

In a traditional classroom, the teacher can easily identify troubled students. Their behavior often shows that they cannot finishe exercises, and their struggle with explaining back to the teacher. The students’ frustrated facial expressions reveal their lack of progress. These hallmark visual response are often flags that only human teachers can identify.

On the other hand, a mechanical robot simply cannot read a student’s body language. This is indirectly described when Margie’s mechanical teacher keeps printing tests even though she hates the subject and has not been doing well. “The mechanical teacher had been giving her test after test in geography, and she had been doing worse and worse”. In addition, there is no way for the robot to detect and judge emotional speech. There is no flexibility when it comes to using technology to evaluate the student. At most, the robot can communicate using text, and this form of communication is often counterproductive. Therefore, as far as identifying and helping students, the traditional human teadcher led classroom holds the advantage.

ref – https://www.englishclub.com/efl/articles/vocabulary/8-ways-to-use-the-preposition-by/

“by” + place

The meaning is: beside, at the side of, next to, close to

examples:

• The house (s) is (v) by a river.
• David (s) lives (v) by a train station.
• I(s) want (v) to live (infinitive-obj) [in a house by the sea] (adjective phrase).

“by” + method of transport

This structure describes how you travel somewhere.

by + train/car/boat/plane/taxi/bus/coach

examples:

• David(s) went(v) [to] Manchester by train (adverbial).
• I (s) go(v) [to] work (by car) (adverbial).
• My parents (s) go (v) [to] France (by boat) (adverbial).
• Our children (s) travelled (v) by plane.

“by” + method of communication

This structure describes how you communicate with someone.

by + telephone/post/email/fax

examples:

• I (s) spoke (v) [to] her (obj) (by telephone) (adverbial).
• I (s) will send(v) you (obj) the invoice (obj compl) (by post)(adverbial).
• They (s) confirm (v) the order (obj) (by email) (adverbial).

“by” + reflexive pronoun

by + myself, yourself, himself, herself, itself, ourselves, yourselves, themselves

This structure means to do something alone.

examples:

• I(s) enjoy(v) reading(obj) (by myself) (adverbial).
• Sarah (s) is (v) studying (obj) (by herself) (adverbial).
• Let’s (s) do (v) something (obj) (by ourselves) (adverbial).
• My parents (s) go (v) on holiday (obj) (by themselves) adverbial.

及物动词

I feed the animals.

The woman cuddles the child.

The child embraces the toy.

The doctor obliterates the bacteria.

Our team dominates the competition.

The student buries the pet.

The butcher slaughters the pig.

The government reduces the budget.

The tester eliminates bug.

The child tricks his mother.

The officer holds a different view.

The kid wraps the plastic toy.

The worker molds the part.

A husband praises his wife.

A person wrestles the robber.

不及物动词

A boy dances with a girl.

The plane flies in the sky.

The crocodile crawls on the riverside.

The worker escapes from the fire.

The bomb explodes in the room.

The dog gallops across the square.

The criminal kneels on the ground.

The man leans on the wall.

The girl listens to music.

A cat pounces at the rate.

She relaxes at the beach.

A boy rolls on the grassland.

The man runs across the playground.

The cat screams at me.

A boy rushes to toilet.

A turtle lives in a forest.
He swims in the lagoons.
He devours apples.

The birds chirp.
They land on a tree branch.
The turtle listens to their songs.
He rolls around in the mud.

The sun sets behind the hills.
They go home.